7th Grade Narrative (Score 2/4) 1

지난 번 계속해서 cst 라이팅 테스트에서 좋은 점수와 그렇지 못한 점수를 받은 학생들의 글을 비교해 보고 있습니다. 4학년과 7학년 학생들간의 수준차이는 분명히 있지만 높은 점수와 낮은 점수를 받은 학생들간의 공통점은 크게 다르지 않습니다. 좋은 점수를 받은 학생들의 공통점은 ▲주제를 정확히 파악하고 ▲탄탄한 구성력을 갖추고 ▲다양한 문장 구사 ▲옆에서 지켜본 듯 세밀한 묘사 ▲생동감 넘치는 묘사 등을 꼽을 수 있겠습니다. 그러나 제대로 재검토를 하지 않아서인지 실수인지 간단한 철자법을 틀리고 문법에서도 오류가 보이기도 했습니다.
이번 엔 7학년 학생의 글 중 2점을 받은 글을 싣습니다. 역시 주제는 바다 속으로 이사간 다음날 바다 속을 탐험하는 것입니다.
　
My family moved to a city under the sea. When we got there, we settled into our new house. I started setting up my room the way I wanted it to be. My sisters were meeting the neighbors. Finally the day was done, and I went to bed.
The next morning, I woke up and decided to explore. I started by going to the sea bank to get money. When I got to the sea bank, I gave the eels that worked there my acount number. “I’m sorry. I don’t have an acount for you.” said the eel. He gave me some shells that had numbers on it. I asked him what they were. “It’s what you people call money, but down here its called shellbers.” So, I left the sea bank.
I wanted to meet some new friends, so I went to the Mer Mall. I didnt see many people, but I saw a lot of fish and merpeople. I asked a fish how they get around the city. She said that they mostly swim. I wondered if they had cars. So, I left the MerMall to find a car shop.
I was thinking of buying a car for my mom and dad. I couldn’t find a car shop. All I saw was banks, malls, food markets, but no car shop. I just kept walking.
There was fish, eels, merpeople, and clams passing by me. I was getting tired of walking, so I stopped to rest. I didn’t realize I was sitting on a big genirator. I look at the genirater very closely. That’s how humans live down here. I thought. It was a huge bubble maker, that helped humans breath. It was getting late and I wanted to get home, but I still hadn’t found a car shop. Ill look tomorrow I thought to myself. on my way home I saw boats falling from the top of the water. I wondered if that was how humans came down. I kept watching. Then I saw humans come out of the boat.
I decided to ask an older man what they were doing. It turned out to be that they lived under the water. I made new friends and went to their houses. They went to school above water and lived under water. I thought it was strang before my parents told me that’s what I had to do, because there were no schools under water. My family live under water for 10 ages and decided to move back above water.