7th Grade Narrative (Score 3/4) 1

지난번까지는 cst 라이팅에서 4점을 받은 학생의 글을 실었습니다. 이번 에는 2회에 걸쳐 ‘보통’ 점수라고 할 수 있는 3점을 받은 학생의 글을 싣습니다. 역시 주제는 지난주와 같이 ‘바다 속 도시로 이사 간 다음날 수중도시 탐험하기’입니다. 이번에 실리는 글과 지난주에 실은 글을 자녀들에게 비교해 읽게 하는 것도 좋은 방법일 듯합니다. 다른 사람이 쓴 글을 비교 평가하면서 자신의 글쓰기를 돌아볼 수 있기 때문입니다.
글의 전문은 다음과 같습니다.

I have just moved to a city under the sea. I am very excited to see what coral city has to offer. Being that I’ve always loved water creatures, I can’t wait to see all the life down under the sea. Since today is my first day to live here, I have just been unpacking my things. Tomorrow I shall explore.
Day two and I am set out to explore the dwellings of coral city. The lively colors are very eye catching. The creatures here in coral city have so much vivid color. While I was exploring, I saw a jellyfish, it was very cool. The only thing about coral city was, there was the most coral there. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this much coral.
I carried on with my journey. “Oh my gosh,” I said as I saw a whale pass by. I’ve never been so close to a whale, in my life. “Man that was the coolest thing ever”. After I saw the whale, I set out to find some dolphins. Dolphins are my favorite sea creatures. While I was looking for dolphins I saw a boy. This boy looked at me & said “hi.”
I said, “Hi, my names Loraine.”
“Nice to meet you,” he responded.
The boy told me his name was Anthony. So Anthony and I carried on to look for dolphins. Anthony told me he had lived in coral city for a year now & that he really enjoys it. I thought Anthony was a very smart boy because he knew exactly where to find the dolphins. I had a blast playing with the dolphins.
After we left the dolphins, we went to a diner called Under The Sea. This diner sold anything and everything. They especially sold sea food. I had some shrimp and a salad. Anthony had crab legs & a potatoe. The food was the best food I’ve ever tasted. Every bite of it was great. It was so good I had to take my leftovers home.
We finished our meals, and it was about 9:15 p.m. I told Anthony that I had to be home by 10:00 p.m. and he said, “Ok. Where do you live?”
I told him, “I live on Dolphin Rd.”
He knew exactly where it was. I thought to myself that he knows this place pretty well. We were walking to my house and he said, “Maybe we can hang out more often.” I nodded my head yes. I wrote his address down and gave him mine. After this night we hung out more often and became really good friends. Twenty years later we got married by reverend Killer Whale. Since our marriage, we have been very happy together.