7th Grade Narrative (Score 4/4) 1

지난주에 이어 이번주엔 7학년 학생의 cst라이팅을 검토해 보겠습니다.
지 난해 출제 주제는 ‘당신이 수중 도시로 이사했다고 상상해 보아라. 그리고 다음날 아침 수중 도시를 탐험하기로 결정했다.’입니다. 그리고 여기서 4점을 받은 학생의 글을 싣습니다. 7학년 학생의 글이다 보니 글의 양이 많아 2회로 나눠 싣습니다.

I had never really gotten to know the city I had just moved into. The idea to move was sudden. The company I work for, Seaweed Supreme Inc. wanted me to move somewhere under the sea so wed have a better understanding of the cycle of seaweed, and of the cultures that inhabit the same area. The creatures that live around seaweed constantly are especially important to our study, mainly because we want to know how the ocean natives react to different seaweed items, such as clothing made from seaweed. We have no idea whether or not the skin of the people wearing it will be irritated.
Before I began my study, I decided to get to know the different people I would now be with until our study was complete. The morning after I moved in I stepped outside and was amazed at how bright it was. I grew up in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, and very little light reached us there. Here, in the Meditteranean Sea off the coast of Greece, the water is so clear and bright, its almost blinding.
Right off the bat, I realized this was the right place to conduct this study. Everyone knew everyone else!
“Hello, you must be new here. My name is Sandy,” said a young starfish.
“Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am new here. I moved in yesterday. How did you know I was new in town?” I wondered, taken by surprise.
Sandy laughed. “Well ma’am, this town is kinda small. Everyone knows everyone else. Do you need someone to show you around?”
“That would be great.” I said, eager to accept Sandy’s offer.
“Okay, Great! What’d you say your name was?”
“Actually, I didn’t say. But it’s Hailey.” I replied.
“Hailey. That’s a pretty name. Well, were do you want to start?” She asked.
“Hmmm,” I said thinking. Where did I want to start? My company was studying the effects on people that seaweed had in four main areas. I needed to know where clothing stores, restaurants, hospitals, and submarine stations were. The most important was the submarine stations because if I could find a way to make seaweed into feul, there would be an endless supply.
“First the nearest submarine station, and then clothing stores, restaurants, and hospitals.” I replied after a moment of silence.
“Ummm, okay. Come on.” She said, puzzled.
“The reason I moved here is because my company is conducting research on ways we can use seaweed,” I said, trying not to laugh at Sandy’s puzzled face.
“Oh, okay. Well here we are.”
The submarine station was surprisingly close, just around the corner, in fact. The building was old and in bad need of some paint. There was only one pump, and it looked like it wouldn’t work very well.
“Well, hopefully, if my research goes well, this station will be better and cheaper than ever before!” I said trying to be optimistic.
“Ya. Well, good luck. Okay, the restaurant is pretty close, but the hospital and clothing store are both in a different town. Like I said before, this is a small town. I’d take you to the other places, but I have to get ready for work in an hour.” Sandy said. “That’s fine. I have to write a report on my first day for my company, so Id better do that before I forget all the details,” I said. Sandy nodded her head.